© of A Yates 2011

Divorce & Separation

Find help and support when facing a divorce or dealing with

separation.

Why your relationship is ending or has ended, it will have a bearing on how you feel emotionally, The reasons behind the relationship or marriage breakdown can be complicated, confusing and not always possible to understand at the time. How it ended will also be an essential consideration to take into account, the reasons can complicate everyone’s emotional reactions dealing with the life changes involved and their ability to heal and move on. When a relationship ends it’s not just the end of the link but in many ways the end of life you knew and understood, as the relationship starts to break down your world can be transformed, into a new period of constant change and uncertainty, further complicated by hurt feelings and painful emotions.

Ending the relationship

Wanting to end a relationship is a dilemma many people face, the reasons why maybe complex rooted in issues like a fear of commitment, or relatively simple such as falling out of love and wanting to be free to do what they want when they want. The implications for everyone involved in the relationship, both practical, financial and emotional, the consequences can be far-reaching and complicated, the foreseeable future may look scary and confusing. However, people do end marriages, relationships, partnerships, successfully, some also manage to start experiencing a better life, either with someone new, or even just enjoying being on their own, we do not need a partner to validate who we are, and people can lead a single happy life, if they choose that way to live.

Taking back what’s yours

Living with an abusive partner can have a toxic and detrimental impact on the persons self-esteem and confidence, the longer the abusive relationship continues, the more helpless the person feels making it more difficult to break free. Starting to regain your life by ending the relationship in this circumstance is a way of restoring control and restarting your life, but it can also be challenging to keep up the progress if your self-esteem has been severely damaged. Abusive partners promising to change their behaviours, continually begging for another chance or just continuing to try and intimidate, can make it very difficult to keep the resolve and endure. Finding support from family and friends is very important, and can be very helpful, a therapist can also help address the feelings of helplessness and embarrassment or shame, and support the person trying to regain their life.

Dealing with guilt

For someone who has ended a relationship or started divorce proceedings, the feelings of guilt can be troubling to address, especially if the ending is full of anger and pain, being made to feel guilty by ex-partners family or friends should be understood in its context. Talking about this in therapy can help bring everything into focus and help you know that your needs and reasons are still valid.

Facing change when a partner leaves you.

If you are trying to cope with your partner leaving you, there will often be a significant difference, between the emotional consequences for the partner who is ending the relationship, compared to the partner who is trying to cope with the situation and deal with the impending loss. The partner who is ending the relationship has an advantage, they have an element of control, by starting the divorce or separation, they are in effect in monitoring and guiding their new destiny, while the other partner can be feeling helpless and can only try to cope with the sometimes devastating hurt and pain.

Facing hurt and pain

If you're experiencing the trauma of a divorce forced on you by your partner, try not to make any rash decisions until you have had time to get your head around it. Allow yourself to cry shout and scream and feel the pain; you’re not weak to do so, it is an essential part of the healing process, if you think about it, you are only respecting how you feel by expressing it. Don’t try and do this alone. Talk to your friends and family let them help you, at times like this it is important to find any support you can, and as soon as you feel able, get some legal advice. A good thing to understand is that no matter how painful it feels, in time eventually the hurt emotions will lessen and pass with time.

Finding an endpoint

The loss of a relationship is not always the end point, with children involved it often means that partners still have contact with each other and this can be very difficult and prolong the healing process. People still grieving the loss of a relationship, can find it difficult to deal with when the ex-partner starts a new relationship, or they seem to be making a new life, without them, this hurts on many levels often leading to complicated emotions that can further complicate healing and moving on. Some say experiencing divorce or separation with someone you love is worse than dealing with someone’s death. When a partner dies, there is a natural endpoint, a time to say goodbye, a point in time where healing starts, but when a relationship ends there is no endpoint where healing can begin, instead it becomes a time that restructures the link into a new dynamic. With children involved it often means that partners still have contact with each other, this can be very difficult to handle and complicate the healing process. People still grieving the loss of a relationship, can find it difficult to come to terms when the ex-partner starts a new relationship, or they seem to be making a new life, without them, this hurts on many levels, often leading to complex emotions that can further complicate healing and moving on, but time does heal eventually.

Restarting your life after a relationship ends

Therapy can always help people cope and deal with divorce or separation and even speed up the healing process. Sometimes before you can start to move on and restart our life you need to deal with any unanswered questions and leftover emotions, these can linger and create the doubt and uncertainty in your new life that may be holding you back. Some online therapy can help you sort through some of the issues and get back on track; many people find it helpful to talk to someone independent to get a fresh look at the situation.
DIVORCE & SEPARATION
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© of A Yates

Divorce & Separation

Find help and support when facing a

divorce or dealing with separation.

Why your relationship is ending or has ended, it will have a bearing on how you feel emotionally, The reasons behind the relationship or marriage breakdown can be complicated, confusing and not always possible to understand at the time. How it ended will also be an essential consideration to take into account, the reasons can complicate everyone’s emotional reactions dealing with the life changes involved and their ability to heal and move on. When a relationship ends it’s not just the end of the link but in many ways the end of life you knew and understood, as the relationship starts to break down your world can be transformed, into a new period of constant change and uncertainty, further complicated by hurt feelings and painful emotions.

Ending the relationship

Wanting to end a relationship is a dilemma many people face, the reasons why maybe complex rooted in issues like a fear of commitment, or relatively simple such as falling out of love and wanting to be free to do what they want when they want. The implications for everyone involved in the relationship, both practical, financial and emotional, the consequences can be far-reaching and complicated, the foreseeable future may look scary and confusing. However, people do end marriages, relationships, partnerships, successfully, some also manage to start experiencing a better life, either with someone new, or even just enjoying being on their own, we do not need a partner to validate who we are, and people can lead a single happy life, if they choose that way to live.

Taking back what’s yours

Living with an abusive partner can have a toxic and detrimental impact on the persons self-esteem and confidence, the longer the abusive relationship continues, the more helpless the person feels making it more difficult to break free. Starting to regain your life by ending the relationship in this circumstance is a way of restoring control and restarting your life, but it can also be challenging to keep up the progress if your self-esteem has been severely damaged. Abusive partners promising to change their behaviours, continually begging for another chance or just continuing to try and intimidate, can make it very difficult to keep the resolve and endure. Finding support from family and friends is very important, and can be very helpful, a therapist can also help address the feelings of helplessness and embarrassment or shame, and support the person trying to regain their life.

Dealing with guilt

For someone who has ended a relationship or started divorce proceedings, the feelings of guilt can be troubling to address, especially if the ending is full of anger and pain, being made to feel guilty by ex-partners family or friends should be understood in its context. Talking about this in therapy can help bring everything into focus and help you know that your needs and reasons are still valid.

Facing change when a partner leaves

you.

If you are trying to cope with your partner leaving you, there will often be a significant difference, between the emotional consequences for the partner who is ending the relationship, compared to the partner who is trying to cope with the situation and deal with the impending loss. The partner who is ending the relationship has an advantage, they have an element of control, by starting the divorce or separation, they are in effect in monitoring and guiding their new destiny, while the other partner can be feeling helpless and can only try to cope with the sometimes devastating hurt and pain.

Facing hurt and pain

If you're experiencing the trauma of a divorce forced on you by your partner, try not to make any rash decisions until you have had time to get your head around it. Allow yourself to cry shout and scream and feel the pain; you’re not weak to do so, it is an essential part of the healing process, if you think about it, you are only respecting how you feel by expressing it. Don’t try and do this alone. Talk to your friends and family let them help you, at times like this it is important to find any support you can, and as soon as you feel able, get some legal advice. A good thing to understand is that no matter how painful it feels, in time eventually the hurt emotions will lessen and pass with time.

Finding an endpoint

The loss of a relationship is not always the end point, with children involved it often means that partners still have contact with each other and this can be very difficult and prolong the healing process. People still grieving the loss of a relationship, can find it difficult to deal with when the ex-partner starts a new relationship, or they seem to be making a new life, without them, this hurts on many levels often leading to complicated emotions that can further complicate healing and moving on. Some say experiencing divorce or separation with someone you love is worse than dealing with someone’s death. When a partner dies, there is a natural endpoint, a time to say goodbye, a point in time where healing starts, but when a relationship ends there is no endpoint where healing can begin, instead it becomes a time that restructures the link into a new dynamic. With children involved it often means that partners still have contact with each other, this can be very difficult to handle and complicate the healing process. People still grieving the loss of a relationship, can find it difficult to come to terms when the ex- partner starts a new relationship, or they seem to be making a new life, without them, this hurts on many levels, often leading to complex emotions that can further complicate healing and moving on, but time does heal eventually.

Restarting your life after a

relationship ends

Therapy can always help people cope and deal with divorce or separation and even speed up the healing process. Sometimes before you can start to move on and restart our life you need to deal with any unanswered questions and leftover emotions, these can linger and create the doubt and uncertainty in your new life that may be holding you back. Some online therapy can help you sort through some of the issues and get back on track; many people find it helpful to talk to someone independent to get a fresh look at the situation.
DIVORCE & SEPARATION