This is a short, simplistic view about what is an extraordinarily complex subject.
I must admit that I’m not too fond of the term anger management. To me, if you must actively manage your anger daily, you have failed to address the underlying reasons that are driving the emotional overreaction.
I never provide anger management other than short term support to help provide some control while therapy progresses and hopefully becomes successful. I think that It is always better to attend to the real driving force driving the anger if possible. So only short-term management of anger is preferred.
Working as an online therapist, I find that many clients had difficulty expressing valid emotions like anger over the years if you have anger issues and anger management has not worked you may need to see a therapist who understands the complex relationships between people, their emotional content and the world they live in.
Anger has many forms, often verbalized in therapy as frustrated, irritated, irate, annoyed, and upset, its as if the word anger will make them look like a bad person, so they have to disguise it. Anger is often seen as a bad emotion, something to be suppressed and hidden. But in fact, anger is especially important to us and needs to be expressed in a helpful way.
Anger when expressed poorly can damage all kinds of relationships, from coworkers and friends to destroying marriages and it can even lead to violence and then being prosecuted in a court of law.
Badly expressing anger can have considerable emotional consequences sometimes leading to mental health issues like severe anxiety and depression.
Feelings of anger are sometimes ignored or repressed/suppressed. Thereby, in some cases, people can become helpless and unable to stand up for what is important to them, or it can become very explosive only showing its self under certain conditions.
Many people seem to be ashamed of anger, but we are suppressing ourselves if we always hide our anger. Anger if used correctly can be used for good. Anger often helps motivate people and in turn, they can help society concentrate on whatever is important to them.
When people fight for social justice or personal injustice, many people have made influenced political changes. Or stood up for their personal rights and freedoms. It can help people focus and keep going when it gets difficult.
We need to express anger or some of its many forms, such as feelings of frustration. Or when we feel offended, this does not make us bad people. It just tells us and everyone around us that we are unhappy. Just by accepting that as people, we have the right to these feelings, which we call anger, means we can then start to respect how we feel.
Anger helps us set boundaries; it also helps protect what is important to us as long as it is expressed in the right way and with the right level of expression. Too much anger can lead to even more problems, such as ending up physically hurting others and including some serious legal repercussions.
So yes, expressing uncontrolled anger that turns into violence or becomes controlling and abusive is not a good way to express it. But ignoring anger or denying it can also lead to major personal issues. So, what we need is the right balance and the ability to express it correctly and in the right situation.
Too little anger can mean that we are taken advantage of or fail to protect what is important in our lives. Being able to say no when we need to stops people from taking advantage, and in turn, we become more self-sufficient. Online therapy is often used to people help uncover the reasons for their anger issues and find the way forward.
Not all therapists are any good at understanding anger issues, and how complex they can be, often focusing on managing the anger and not trying to uncover the underlying problems, or some therapists don’t care and just want an easy life.
With online therapy sessions, you may learn why it is hard for you to say no to family, friends or co-workers, why you get angry for no apparent reason. Or start to understand why you neglect your own needs.
You may be able to discover why you always seem to explode and must then deal with the after-effects, including guilt and shame, why some people think it seems okay for other people to be angry but not them. If you are not happy with your anger management, find a new therapist.
What does your anger say about you?