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Are you a people pleaser?

People pleasers are individuals who prioritize the approval and validation of others over their own needs and desires. While this behavior may seem selfless and kind, it can lead to negative consequences for the person engaging in it.

One way people pleasers suffer is through a constant sense of anxiety and stress. They are always worried about whether they are doing enough to please others and avoid conflict, which can take a toll on their mental health. Additionally, people pleasers may struggle with setting healthy boundaries and saying no, leading to feelings of overwhelm and burnout.

People pleasers are individuals who prioritize the needs and desires of others over their own. They often go out of their way to please others, even if it means sacrificing their own happiness and well-being. Although this behaviour may seem positive on the surface, it can actually be detrimental to the mental and emotional health of the people pleaser.

people pleasers suffer

One of the ways in which people pleasers suffer is through the constant pressure to meet the expectations of others. They may feel as though they need to be perfect in order to gain approval and avoid rejection. This pressure can be exhausting and can lead to feelings of anxiety and stress.

Another way in which people pleasers suffer is through the lack of boundaries they set for themselves. They may have difficulty saying no to requests or demands from others, even if it means taking on too much or compromising their own values. This can lead to a sense of resentment and frustration, as well as feelings of being taken advantage of.

Desire for validation

Also, people pleasers struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth. They may believe that their value is dependent on how much they can please others, and as a result, may neglect their own needs and desires. This can lead to feelings of emptiness and a lack of fulfilment in life. The behaviour of people pleasing is often fuelled by a desire for validation and acceptance from others. They may believe that their worth is tied to how much they can make others happy, and as a result, may neglect their own needs and desires. They may also fear rejection or disapproval, and as a result, may go to great lengths to avoid it.

People pleasers suffer in many ways, from the constant pressure to meet the expectations of others to the lack of boundaries they set for themselves. The behaviour is often fuelled by a desire for validation and acceptance from others, and can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and low self-worth. It is important for people pleasers to recognize the negative impact of their behaviour and to work on developing healthy boundaries and self-care practices.

People pleasers prioritize the needs and desires of others

Another way people pleasers suffer is through a lack of self-fulfillment. By prioritizing the needs and desires of others over their own, they may miss out on opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment. They may also struggle with self-esteem and self-worth, as their validation is tied to the approval of others.

There are many reasons why someone might engage in people pleasing behavior, including a fear of rejection, a desire for approval, and a need to control their environment. Here are ten examples of people pleasing behaviors:

    • Saying yes to requests or invitations even when they don’t want to, in order to avoid disappointing others.
    • Apologizing excessively, even when they haven’t done anything wrong, in order to smooth over conflicts.
    • Avoiding expressing their own opinions or beliefs in order to avoid conflict or disapproval.
    • Constantly seeking validation and approval from others, even when it is not necessary or beneficial.
    • Taking on more responsibilities than they can handle in order to prove their worth and value to others.
    • Sacrificing their own needs and desires in order to please others, even if it causes them discomfort or harm.
    • Changing their behavior or personality in order to fit in with others or avoid standing out.
    • Over-explaining their actions or decisions in order to justify themselves and avoid criticism.
    • Avoiding confrontation or difficult conversations in order to maintain a sense of harmony and avoid conflict.
    • Putting others’ needs and desires ahead of their own, even when it is not necessary or reasonable.

Overall, people pleasing behavior can lead to negative consequences for the person engaging in it, including anxiety, stress, burnout, and a lack of self-fulfillment. Understanding the motivations behind these behaviors can help individuals develop healthier patterns of behavior and prioritize their own needs and desires.

An example of people pleasing

Meet Sarah. She’s a kind-hearted and friendly person, always eager to help others and make them feel happy. She spends most of her time saying “yes” to every request that comes her way, even if it means putting her own needs and desires aside.

At first, Sarah feels great about being so helpful and accommodating. She loves making people happy and seeing the joy on their faces. But as time goes on, she starts to feel drained and overwhelmed. She realizes that she’s been saying “yes” to too many things, and she’s spread herself too thin. Despite her exhaustion, Sarah finds it hard to say “no” to people. She doesn’t want to disappoint anyone or let them down. She fears that if she doesn’t go out of her way to make others happy, they won’t like her or will think she’s selfish. So, she continues to put others first, even if it means sacrificing her own time, energy, and well-being.

As the cycle continues, Sarah’s mental and emotional health begins to suffer. She feels stressed and anxious all the time, never truly able to relax or unwind. She starts to resent the people she’s always helping, even though she knows they don’t mean to take advantage of her. She’s trapped in a vicious cycle of people-pleasing, unable to break free. What fuels Sarah’s behavior is her deep-seated need for approval and validation. She believes that if she can make others happy and earn their praise, she’ll be a valuable and worthwhile person. She fears rejection and abandonment, so she goes out of her way to keep people close to her.

Unfortunately, this behavior only leads to more suffering. Sarah is unable to be her true self and express her own needs and desires. She’s always putting on a facade, pretending to be someone she’s not. She’s lost touch with her own identity and sense of purpose. If Sarah wants to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing, she needs to learn how to set boundaries and say “no” when she needs to. She needs to prioritize her own needs and well-being, rather than always putting others first. With time and practice, she can learn to love and accept herself for who she is, without needing validation from others.

FAQ about people-pleasing:

Q: What is people-pleasing? A: People-pleasing is a behavior pattern in which an individual prioritizes the needs and desires of others above their own. People-pleasers often go to great lengths to avoid conflict or disappointment, and may compromise their own values or boundaries in order to make others happy.

Q: Why do people-pleasers behave this way? A: There are a variety of reasons why someone may develop people-pleasing tendencies. Some people may have grown up in environments where they felt that their own needs or desires were not valued, or where they learned that it was safer to prioritize the needs of others in order to avoid punishment or rejection. Others may have a strong need for external validation or approval, and feel that they must constantly work to earn the admiration of those around them.

Q: What are some signs that I might be a people-pleaser? A: Common signs of people-pleasing behavior include a strong desire to be liked or approved of by others, difficulty saying “no” to requests or demands, a tendency to downplay or ignore your own feelings and needs in order to accommodate others, and a fear of disappointing or upsetting others.

Q: Is people-pleasing always a bad thing? A: While people-pleasing can be problematic if it leads to chronic stress, burnout, or a loss of personal autonomy, there are also some benefits to prioritizing the needs and feelings of others. People-pleasers may be valued for their kindness, empathy, and generosity, and may enjoy strong relationships with friends and family members as a result of their efforts to please others.

Q: How can I overcome people-pleasing tendencies? A: Overcoming people-pleasing can be a challenging process, but it is possible with practice and support. Some strategies that may be helpful include learning to set and communicate clear boundaries, practicing self-care and self-compassion, and working to develop a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence. Therapy or counseling may also be beneficial for individuals who struggle with people-pleasing behavior.

Are you a people pleaser, do you want to stop sacrificing your own needs for others?

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