All rights reserved © A Yates 2011
Divorce or separation support
An end, is just the beginning
Why
your
relationship
is
ending
or
has
ended,
will
have
a
bearing
on
how
you
feel
emotionally,
the
reasons
behind
the
relationship
or
marriage
breakdown
can
be
complicated,
confusing
and
not
always
possible
to
understand at the time.
How
it
ended
will
also
be
an
essential
consideration
to
take
into
account,
the
reasons
can
complicate
everyone’s
emotional
reactions
dealing
with
the
life changes involved and their ability to heal and move on.
When
a
relationship
ends
it’s
not
just
the
end
of
the
link
but
in
many
ways
the
end
of
life
you
knew
and
understood,
as
the
relationship
starts
to
break
down
your
world
can
be
transformed,
into
a
new
period
of
constant
change
and uncertainty, further complicated by hurt feelings and painful emotions.
Ending the relationship
Wanting
to
end
a
relationship
is
a
dilemma
many
people
face,
the
reasons
why
maybe
complex
rooted
in
issues
like
a
fear
of
commitment,
or
relatively
simple
such
as
falling
out
of
love
and
wanting
to
be
free
to
do
what
they
want when they want.
The
implications
for
everyone
involved
in
the
relationship,
both
practical,
financial
and
emotional,
the
consequences
can
be
far-reaching
and
complicated,
the
foreseeable
future
may
look
scary
and
confusing.
However,
people
do
end
marriages,
relationships,
partnerships,
successfully,
some
also
manage
to
start
experiencing
a
better
life,
either
with
someone
new,
or
even
just
enjoying
being
on
their
own,
we
do
not
need
a
partner
to
validate
who
we
are,
and
people
can
lead
a
single
happy
life, if they choose that way to live.
Taking back what’s yours
Living
with
an
abusive
partner
can
have
a
toxic
and
detrimental
impact
on
the
persons
self-esteem
and
confidence,
the
longer
the
abusive
relationship
continues,
the
more
helpless
the
person
feels
making
it
more
difficult
to
break free.
Starting
to
regain
your
life
by
ending
the
relationship
in
this
circumstance
is
a
way
of
restoring
control
and
restarting
your
life,
but
it
can
also
be
challenging
to
keep
up
the
progress
if
your
self-esteem
has
been
severely
damaged.
Abusive
partners
promising
to
change
their
behaviours,
continually
begging
for
another
chance
or
just
continuing
to
try
and
intimidate,
can
make it very difficult to keep the resolve and endure.
Finding
support
from
family
and
friends
is
very
important,
and
can
be
very
helpful,
a
therapist
can
also
help
address
the
feelings
of
helplessness
and
embarrassment or shame, and support the person trying to regain their life.
Dealing with guilt
For
someone
who
has
ended
a
relationship
or
started
divorce
proceedings,
the
feelings
of
guilt
can
be
troubling
to
address,
especially
if
the
ending
is
full
of
anger
and
pain,
being
made
to
feel
guilty
by
ex-partners
family
or
friends
should
be
understood
in
its
context.
Talking
about
this
in
therapy
can
help
bring
everything
into
focus
and
help
you
know
that
your
needs
and reasons are still valid.
Facing change when a partner leaves you
If
you
are
trying
to
cope
with
your
partner
leaving
you,
there
will
often
be
a
significant
difference,
between
the
emotional
consequences
for
the
partner
who
is
ending
the
relationship,
compared
to
the
partner
who
is
trying
to
cope
with
the
situation
and
deal
with
the
impending
loss.
The
partner
who
is
ending
the
relationship
has
an
advantage,
they
have
an
element
of
control,
by
starting
the
divorce
or
separation,
they
are
in
effect
in
monitoring
and
guiding
their
new
destiny,
while
the
other
partner
can
be
feeling
helpless
and
can
only
try
to
cope
with
the
sometimes
devastating
hurt and pain.
Finding an endpoint
The
loss
of
a
relationship
is
not
always
the
end
point,
with
children
involved
it
often
means
that
partners
still
have
contact
with
each
other
and
this can be very difficult and prolong the healing process.
People
still
grieving
the
loss
of
a
relationship,
can
find
it
difficult
to
deal
with
when
the
ex-partner
starts
a
new
relationship,
or
they
seem
to
be
making
a
new
life,
without
them,
this
hurts
on
many
levels
often
leading
to
complicated emotions that can further complicate healing and moving on.
Some
say
experiencing
divorce
or
separation
with
someone
you
love
is
worse
than
dealing
with
someone’s
death.
When
a
partner
dies,
there
is
a
natural
endpoint,
a
time
to
say
goodbye,
a
point
in
time
where
healing
starts,
but
when
a
relationship
ends
there
is
no
endpoint
where
healing
can
begin,
instead
it
becomes
a
time
that
restructures
the
link
into
a
new
dynamic.
With
children
involved
it
often
means
that
partners
still
have
contact
with
each
other,
this
can
be
very
difficult
to
handle
and
complicate
the healing process.
People
still
grieving
the
loss
of
a
relationship,
can
find
it
difficult
to
come
to
terms
when
the
ex-partner
starts
a
new
relationship,
or
they
seem
to
be
making
a
new
life,
without
them,
this
hurts
on
many
levels,
often
leading
to
complex
emotions
that
can
further
complicate
healing
and
moving
on,
but
time does heal eventually.
Restarting your life after a relationship ends
Therapy
can
help
people
cope
and
deal
with
divorce
or
separation,
and
even
speed
up
the
healing
process.
Sometimes
before
you
can
start
to
move
on
and
restart
our
life
you
need
to
deal
with
any
unanswered
questions
and
leftover
emotions,
these
can
linger
and
create
the
doubt
and
uncertainty
in
your
new
life
that
may
be
holding
you
back.
Some
online
therapy
can
help
you
sort
through
some
of
the
issues
and
get
back
on
track;
many
people
find
it
helpful
to
talk
to
someone
independent
to
get
a
fresh
look
at
the
situation.