Divorce & separation
Find help and support when facing a
divorce or separation.
Why your relationship is ending, has ended, it will have
a bearing on how you feel emotionally, The reasons
behind the relationship or marriage breakdown can be
complex, confusing and not always possible to
understand at the time. how it ended will also be an
important consideration to take into account, the
reasons can complicate everyone’s emotional
reactions dealing with the life changes involved and
their ability to heal and move on.
When a relationship ends it’s not just the end of the
relationship, but in many ways the end of a life you
knew and understood, as the relationship starts to
break down your world can be transformed, into a new
period of constant change and uncertainty, further
complicated by hurt feelings and difficult emotions.
Ending the relationship
Wanting to end a relationship is a dilemma many
people face, the reasons why maybe complex rooted in
issues like a fear of commitment, or relatively simple
such as falling out of love and wanting to be free to do
what they want, when they want.
The implications for everyone involved in the
relationship, both practical, financial and emotional, the
consequences can be far reaching and complicated,
the foreseeable future may look scary and confusing.
But people do end marriages, relationships,
partnerships, successfully, some also manage to start
experiencing a better life, either with someone new, or
even just enjoying being on their own, we do not need a
partner to validate who we are, and people can lead a
happy single life, if they choose that way to live.
Taking back what’s yours
Living with an abusive partner can have a toxic and
detrimental impact on the persons self-esteem and
confidence, the longer the abusive relationship
continues the more helpless the person feels making it
more difficult to brake free.
Starting to regain your life by ending the relationship in
this circumstance is a way of regaining control and
restarting your life, but it can also be difficult to keep
up the progress if your persons self-esteem has been
badly damage.
Abusive partners promising to change their behaviours,
constantly begging for another chance or just
continuing to try and intimidate, can make it very
difficult to keep the resolve and continue.
Finding support from family and friends is important
and can be very helpful, a therapist can also help
address the feelings of helplessness and
embarrassment or shame, and support the person
trying to regain their life.
Dealing with guilt
For someone who has ended a relationship or started
divorce proceedings, the feelings of guilt can be
troubling to address, especially if the ending is full of
anger and pain, being made to feel guilty by ex-
partners family or friends should be understood in its
context, talking about this in therapy can help bring
everything into focus and help you understand that
your needs and reasons are still valid.
Coping with a partner leaving you.
If you are trying to cope with your partner leaving you,
there will often be a noteworthy difference, between
the emotional consequences for the partner who is
ending the relationship, compared to the partner who is
trying to cope with the situation and deal with the
impending loss.
The partner who is ending the relationship has an
advantage, they have an element of control, by starting
the divorce or separation, they are in effect in control
and guiding their own destiny, while the other partner
can be feeling helpless and can only try to cope with
the sometime devastating hurt and pain.
Facing hurt and pain
If your experiencing the trauma of a divorce forced on
you by your partner, try not to make any decisions until
you have had time to get your head around it, allow
yourself to cry shout and scream and feel the pain,
you’re not weak to do so, it is a very important part of
the healing process, if you think about it you are only
respecting how you feel by expressing it.
Don’t try and do this alone. Talk to your friends and
family let them help you, at times like this it is
important find any support you can, and as soon as
you feel able, get some legal advice.
A good thing to understand is that no matter how
painful it feels, in time eventually the hurt emotions will
lessen and pass with time.
Finding an end point
The loss of a relationship is not always the end point,
with children involved it often means that partners still
have contact with each other and this can be very
difficult and prolong the healing process.
People still grieving the loss of a relationship, can find
it difficult to deal with when the ex-partner starts a new
relationship, or they seem to be making a new life,
without them, this hurts on many levels often leading
to very difficult emotions that can further complicate
healing and moving on.
Some say experiencing divorce or separation with
someone you love is worse than dealing with
someone’s death, when a partner dies there is a natural
end point, a time to say goodbye, a point in time where
healing starts, but when a relationship ends the end
point can be non-existent. With children involved it
often means that partners still have contact with each
other, this can be very difficult to handle and
complicate the healing process.
People still grieving the loss of a relationship, can find
it difficult to come to terms when the ex-partner starts
a new relationship, or they seem to be making a new
life, without them, this hurts on many levels, often
leading to very difficult emotions that can further
complicate healing and moving on, but time does heal
eventually.
Restarting your life.
Therapy can always help people cope and deal with
divorce or separation and even speed up the healing
process.
Sometimes before you can start to move on and
restart our life you need to deal with any unanswered
questions and leftover emotions, these can linger and
create the doubt and uncertainty in your new life that
may be holding you back. Some online therapy can
help you sort through some of the issues and get back
on track, many people find it helpful to talk to someone
independent to get a fresh look at the situation.
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