© of A Yates 2011

Dealing with low self-esteem

How low self-esteem impacts on your life.

We all have a sense of self, an idea of who we are, and an impression of how others see us. This personal assessment of ourselves will influence how popular and lovable we think we are to people around us, and in turn, what value we place on ourselves, this will affect how confident we feel about our personal skills abilities prospects and how secure we feel in our ability to be loved by others. Self-esteem is an outward reflection of how much value we place on ourselves that others can see, self-respect, personal pride in one’s achievements, how we dress, self-assurance, self-confidence, self-importance and body language are all directly affected by our level of self- esteem, and this, in turn, affects how we interact with others around us.

What lowers people self-esteem?

Generally, any experience in childhood or adulthood that is hurtful belittling personally disfranchising, such as bullying and any situation that is physically sexually and verbally abusive, will usually affect someone’s self-esteem. Especially if it has come from a person or persons in a position of trust, such as a partner family or friends, mental health issues like eating disorders depression self-harm sexual issues and problems with anxiety, as well as many others will be related to low levels of self-esteem.

Self-esteem can be very complicated.

People can have a wide range of reactions to changing levels of self-esteem that will impact on their beliefs about self. For instance, a person can be confident in their ability in work and be successful, but at the same time, they can have real difficulties in other areas, such as dating or not being able to express themselves to their partner or family. A low level of self-esteem will generally affect a person’s ability to get what they need in life, by not being able to say no to people so limiting their ability to keep their time for their own needs. Having low self-worth or a low opinion of themselves compared to others, can lead to them believing that they are unlovable or unworthy of love, and in some cases will actively push people away, they may also sacrifice their needs for another’s benefit trying to give their life a worthy meaning and fulfilling purpose while sacrificing their own needs.

When beliefs and opinions become facts

when low self-esteem is involved negative thinking leads to unfair and harsh self-judgements.

I am useless I am hopeless at everything It was just lucky; it was not my ability that got me the job I am selfish for wanting more for myself I am not as important as others I am not very smart like other people I always must apologise first I have no opinions worthy of expressing I feel guilty if I say no to people I feel safe following others I am not competitive I am afraid to be assertive If we place a reduced value on ourselves as people, we will tend to accept our place in life and not try to better ourselves. People with little self- respect for themselves due to a low level of self-esteem will very often, put up with people or situations that are detrimental to their lives, leading to feelings of helplessness and experiencing higher levels of anxiety and depression. Changing your self-esteem, can it be done? People can and do change their misguided beliefs about their sense of personal value, and over time people start to build confidence and gain more self-respect and confidence in their abilities.

How to improve self-esteem

Things that help build self-esteem Counselling/Psychotherapy Drama classes (good for building confidence) Any artistic expression such as pottery and painting Learning meditation and mindfulness and yoga Working at a local charity as a volunteer Education and learning Any healthy activity that makes you feel good. By challenging and changing their old negative beliefs with therapy it will improve their self-respect and inner confidence, as well as gaining a healthier perspective about themselves, people who start to believe that they do have real value as a person will automatically modify all kinds of personal behaviours. In time by continuing to discover that they do have something to offer of value their self-esteem will improve and inevitably start to have a positive impact on their daily life. If a person’s level of self-esteem recovers sufficiently, this change will probably end up making the person more disagreeable, augmentative assertive and more confident. They may also change their attitudes and opinions, feel less anxious and more relaxed about themselves. They will in all probability be able to more readily appreciate that they can live life without always sacrificing their personal needs values and beliefs, this can change the way they dress and even change jobs and find new relationships that are not one-sided and more beneficial for them. How long change will take is very dependent on the person ability to change and the length of time coping with the problem and the circumstances involved, some people take years and some only a few weeks or months before seeing some personal change in how they feel.
low self-esteem
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© of A Yates

Dealing with low self-esteem

How low self-esteem impacts on your

life.

We all have a sense of self, an idea of who we are, and an impression of how others see us. This personal assessment of ourselves will influence how popular and lovable we think we are to people around us, and in turn, what value we place on ourselves, this will affect how confident we feel about our personal skills abilities prospects and how secure we feel in our ability to be loved by others. Self-esteem is an outward reflection of how much value we place on ourselves that others can see, self-respect, personal pride in one’s achievements, how we dress, self-assurance, self-confidence, self- importance and body language are all directly affected by our level of self-esteem, and this, in turn, affects how we interact with others around us.

What lowers people self-esteem?

Generally, any experience in childhood or adulthood that is hurtful belittling personally disfranchising, such as bullying and any situation that is physically sexually and verbally abusive, will usually affect someone’s self-esteem. Especially if it has come from a person or persons in a position of trust, such as a partner family or friends, mental health issues like eating disorders depression self- harm sexual issues and problems with anxiety, as well as many others will be related to low levels of self-esteem.

Self-esteem can be very complicated.

People can have a wide range of reactions to changing levels of self-esteem that will impact on their beliefs about self. For instance, a person can be confident in their ability in work and be successful, but at the same time, they can have real difficulties in other areas, such as dating or not being able to express themselves to their partner or family. A low level of self-esteem will generally affect a person’s ability to get what they need in life, by not being able to say no to people so limiting their ability to keep their time for their own needs. Having low self-worth or a low opinion of themselves compared to others, can lead to them believing that they are unlovable or unworthy of love, and in some cases will actively push people away, they may also sacrifice their needs for another’s benefit trying to give their life a worthy meaning and fulfilling purpose while sacrificing their own needs.

When beliefs and opinions become

facts

when low self-esteem is involved negative

thinking leads to unfair and harsh self-

judgements.

I am useless I am hopeless at everything It was just lucky; it was not my ability that got me the job I am selfish for wanting more for myself I am not as important as others I am not very smart like other people I always must apologise first I have no opinions worthy of expressing I feel guilty if I say no to people I feel safe following others I am not competitive I am afraid to be assertive If we place a reduced value on ourselves as people, we will tend to accept our place in life and not try to better ourselves. People with little self-respect for themselves due to a low level of self-esteem will very often, put up with people or situations that are detrimental to their lives, leading to feelings of helplessness and experiencing higher levels of anxiety and depression. Changing your self-esteem, can it be done? People can and do change their misguided beliefs about their sense of personal value, and over time people start to build confidence and gain more self-respect and confidence in their abilities.

How to improve self-esteem

Things that help build self-esteem Counselling/Psychotherapy Drama classes (good for building confidence) Any artistic expression such as pottery and painting Learning meditation and mindfulness and yoga Working at a local charity as a volunteer Education and learning Any healthy activity that makes you feel good. By challenging and changing their old negative beliefs with therapy it will improve their self- respect and inner confidence, as well as gaining a healthier perspective about themselves, people who start to believe that they do have real value as a person will automatically modify all kinds of personal behaviours. In time by continuing to discover that they do have something to offer of value their self-esteem will improve and inevitably start to have a positive impact on their daily life. If a person’s level of self-esteem recovers sufficiently, this change will probably end up making the person more disagreeable, augmentative assertive and more confident. They may also change their attitudes and opinions, feel less anxious and more relaxed about themselves. They will in all probability be able to more readily appreciate that they can live life without always sacrificing their personal needs values and beliefs, this can change the way they dress and even change jobs and find new relationships that are not one-sided and more beneficial for them. How long change will take is very dependent on the person ability to change and the length of time coping with the problem and the circumstances involved, some people take years and some only a few weeks or months before seeing some personal change in how they feel.
low self-esteem